The Support Group Task Force is elated to offer a list of Tips for use in your Support Groups. It is our mission to provide help to those grads regularly attending a support group, to help with different and varied exercises and to help keep their groups new, fresh, real, and vibrant. It is our hope that existing support groups continue on indefinitely and that new groups can be started until all grads give and get the support they need and deserve in order to thrive in their lives.
Contained here is a complete list of suggestions that may be of use to your support group. Please feel free to utilize and share them. Also, if you have a tip or an idea about support groups, we welcome you to share it with the task force and the community. Email your tip to supportgroups@essentialexperience.net and we will be happy to add it to the list.
(1) Keeping time helps! Arrive on time/Leave on time. This is a matter of respect for yourself and others. Agree at the beginning of your meeting what time you will end the meeting. Divide the remaining time by the number of people present, and decide how much time each person will have for sharing and feedback. Using a kitchen timer works well. Don't be afraid to interrupt to notify the speaker(s) when time is up! Leave time at the end for closing exercise, planning for next meeting, and goodbyes.
(2) Revisit Group Agreements from time to time.
i. I will not do or say anything that will betray another person’s confidences.
ii. I will not interrupt others.
iii. I will respect the opinions and experience of others.
iv. I will deliver withholds in a timely and responsible manner.
v. I will make choices to take care of myself, and to stretch to grow.
vi. I will own my feelings and behaviors and speak in “I” statements, and thereby avoid giving advice.
vii. I will make every effort to be on time and to attend all support group meetings.
viii. I will call the contact person if I am going to miss a meeting, be late, or must leave early.
ix. I make a commitment to do my work.
x. I will minimize distractions that will take me away from my being present, including turning off my cell phone.
(3) Support groups seem to thrive with 7-8 grads minimum. This allows the group to function well when our busy lives call us away from our work of giving and receiving support. A group as small as 4-5 can operate well when all members are very committed to attending. When starting a support group, it is better to have a group of 6 or more so that any schedule conflicts don’t hinder the group’s growing connection and commitment.
(4) When in support group, support the person speaking. Be attentive, present and in open body posture.
(5) Be open and honest and caring... our best work is done when we open ourselves to others, and share ourselves with them.
(6) Plan socializing time for before the meeting starts (gather 15-30 minutes prior for socializing).
(7) Participate fully in your support group. Support groups are a great way to continue the work begun in the EE workshop. Everyone needs support!
(8) Using your contract as the focus of your work in your support group often works well.
(9) Discussing and asking for support on your priority plan can aide your ability to follow through with your work.
(10) Sitting erect, having both of your feet flat on the floor, closing your eyes, and taking some deep breaths help many in preparation for their work in support groups.
(11) Alcohol consumption before or during your support group can interfere with your efforts to be fully present and do your work, and can also be very disruptive to the group.
(12) Using a stem in your support group can be a great exercise. For example, “The thing I liked best about my day is _________”; or “What I would like to get from support group today is ___________”.
(13) Using a stem can be helpful in giving feedback, for example “When I heard you say _______ I felt _________.” or “When you shared, I felt ____________.”
(14) Don’t interrupt when others are speaking – it breaks continuity (time reminders are the exception – try not to be disruptive, but be heard).
(15) How does your “worry meter” work? Let your support group members better understand how to tell when you need support, even outside your regular meetings.
(16) Be real – when sharing, giving feedback, and delivering withholds. Remember, being real is not necessarily being “nice.” How does my group deal with being real? Do we need to discuss it?
(17) Remember that sometimes people being difficult, and situations in which we feel uncomfortable, are opportunities for growth and coming together as a group.
(18) Sometimes when fellow group members or situations evoke a reaction from us, there is an opportunity for us to do meaningful work and achieve personal growth.
(19) When giving feedback, speak in “I” statements and avoid giving advice.
(20) Agreeing with your group to re-visit some of the exercises from the workshop may be a powerful resource for you. Perhaps the host for each meeting could choose an exercise to redo or discuss, or you could rotate through group members.
(21) Use centering/closing exercises/rituals. For example – intentional breathing, group hug, light a candle at the beginning and blow it out at the end, serenity prayer, use a stem (one could be: where I am in my life right now is____), do a check-in, review contracts, etc.).
(22) Periodically discuss what is working and not working for the group. Explore other options.
(23) You can begin or end your meeting with an exercise or ritual.
(24) Each person’s time to share is their own to use how they wish. Personal sharing during support group is a choice and an opportunity!
(25) What does support mean to you? What do you need from your group? What works for you? Remember to ask for 100% of what you want 100% of the time (and be available to negotiate the difference).
(26) Choosing a book to follow can augment your support group meetings, Perhaps ask the Community for suggestions of books on personal-growth or more specific topics. Maybe read a chapter a week and discuss at group.
(27) “Being Real” means being grounded enough in one's own essence to say and do from a place of truth, authenticity, and integrity. One must keep in mind; however, that self respect also means respect for others. So remember, when "being real" be aware of how that is conveyed and how it may affect others.
(28) Dealing with Withholds: Clears the air for all. Real communication between individuals will lead to a healthier group dynamic.
(29) Withholds – explain what it means to “deliver in a timely and responsible manner.” How does our group deal with withholds? Do we ever deliver withholds? Do we need to practice withholds?
(30) Remember, a Withhold…
· is a statement of one's feelings toward another, which, if not expressed, would leave a cloud over the relationship.
· is something which must be said to another in order for that relationship to continue unimpeded by feelings unexpressed.
· must be delivered while feelings are still fresh and open.
(31) Do you need more support? You are not alone! Here are some ideas:
· Show up and meet people! Come to EE Events and Community Gatherings and network yourself.
· Participate in an Open Support Group (example: the Men's Group meets monthly).
· Come to Community Arc - takes place 4 times a year on the Sunday of each workshop (before Community Dinner).
· Be in touch with your fellow workshop graduates to see if their groups have openings.
· Post to the EE Community Listserv asking about any groups looking for new members.
· Perhaps you'd like to start a special-interest group? Post to the Listserv to gather like-minded people together.
· Volunteer to co-facilitate a new graduate four-week support group.
· Stay tuned to the Listserv for other opportunities.
· Contact the Community Leaders if you're still struggling
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